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Building a Positive Self Image

There are several issues that affect transexuals and other transgendered people deeply and of these, self esteem and self image are tightly entwined. I don't know about you but I spent years feeling ill at ease as a guy and a bit of a miscreant monster minger when I did dress as a girl! And to this day, I'm still suprised how many TGirls I meet who refuse to acknowledge a compliment, instead insisting that they look awful. Sound familiar? The number of men who are born looking like women is so small that most of us will have been there at some point or other, I know I certainly have.

There can be several reasons why we don't look good. When we first start out crossdressing, there's lots to learn! How good are you at make up? How good are you at grooming? Are the clothes you choose appropriate for a person of your age and body shape? Experimenting with all these aspects can produce drastic changes, but to say that's all there is to the subject would fall far short of the truth.

Audrey Hepburn is quoted as saying:

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows."

Oscar Wilde once said:

"A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament. It's beauty comes from the fact that the author is what he is.

It has nothing to do with the fact that other people want what they want.

Indeed, the moment that an artist takes notice of what other people want, and tries to supply the demand, he ceases to be an artist, and becomes a dull or an amusing craftsman, an honest or dishonest tradesman. He has no further claim to be considered as an artist."

In many ways these sum up the essence of cross dressing for me. The goal is never to appear as Britney Spears or any other beautiful woman does; to pass as convincing to me is of little consequence. The goal is to project the what is in the heart, to display the true art of the soul outwardly, to express one's "self" through whatever constrains our body or talents may impose.

I make no attempt to conceal the masculinity within my figure as the male form is also beautiful. It's shape, it's cut, it's angularity are all deeply attractive qualities and yet recently I was mistaken for someone's wife! I'm not joking! This woman came up to me as Madame JoJo's nightclub closed and started by saying "You have no idea how much trouble you caused tonight, darling"

I was shocked! "You what?!"

"You almost broke up my marriage of 15 years" she continued.

"Excuse me?!" I stammered

"My husband saw you chatting with that guy and blew his top - I need you to come and say hi to him with me so he knows it's not me" she explained.

I got up and went with her. Sure enough, there was her husband, sat the other side of the club with a face like his mother had just spanked his bottom.

Being attractive isn't about hiding your masculinity at all, it's about knowing what works on your form and making the most of what you've got. I've had so many dressing mistakes and the one thing I can say has truly helped me is the camera! Nowdays I have years of photographs of myself. From the earliest times I ever let myself be photographed:

...to when I started to become less of a masculine characterisation of a woman and just let it flow:

...through to times when I thought that feminity was best expressed through the heights of decadent glamour:

...to the times when the boy within the girl within the boy broke back through:

...which turned into the lesbian rocker goth phase:

...and back into the girly boy next door:

...and was interspersed with moments of pure homoerotic power bitch:

...slutty moments where I explored my sexuality through my image:

...and the times when I just went crazy!

...and the times I was just plain weird

Can I be honest with you? Nowdays I can't stand half of the looks I've done! But I'm glad I have them all recorded. Hugh Hefner says "A life worth living is a life worth recording" and not only do I agree with that, I beleive I, like every other TGirl out there, has a life worth living. I dressed for years before I started to even entertain the idea that I might even vaguely look like a girl of any sorts. And the single biggest catalyst in that was having lots of photographs. I showed them to other TGirls as well as friends and they'd tell me how I could improve my look as well as when I looked feminine and when I looked like a male stereotype of a woman.

Sharing photos is a safe way of being out to people, even when you don't know them face to face and many of the most popular TGirls in my transgender profiles area have many pictures posted. And nothing will improve your self esteem and negative body image like being out. We have to live with who we are. It's as simple as that. The quicker you get used to the way you look, accept it and learn to love it for what it is, warts and all, the sooner you'll be able to start expressing all the many parts of your personality and enjoying your life as a transgender.

...continued in Transexual Pictures Part 2

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