My Husband Betty is, as the title
suggests, written by the wife of a cross dresser. Helen Boyd is an American who writes with all the passion
and uncompromising honesty you’d expect of a New Yorker. Subtitled “Love,
Sex and Life with a Cross Dresser”, just how intimate does it really
get?
Unlike many of the books available that talk of transgender life, My
Husband Betty isn’t a personal memoir of the life and times of
a transvestite’s spouse, although it does contain many interesting,
thought provoking, heart warming and even gut wrenching tales from Helen’s
experience and a great many others that she interviewed to compile the
book. More importantly, it examines the issues behind the stories and
gets real about the challenges that cross dressers face with themselves,
with being in a heterosexual relationship and the world at large. And
best of all, it tells cross dressers in plain open English, what their
wives think – invaluable information for every married TGirl who
wants to understand their partner better in order to strengthen their
relationship.
Helen puts forth a wealth of useful information about cross dressers
and why they are the way they are, together with information about their
partners and how they cope. There is one of the best histories of the
transgender world I’ve read in there which sheds light on many
of the misconceptions about transvestites from the time when it was regarded
as purely a homosexual pursuit through to the times when trans-organisations declared
it non-sexual up to the modern time. She also touches with great sensitivity
on the subject of transexualism; a deep fear for any wife
of a transvestite as well as looking openly at the sexual issues faced
by cross dressers. Lastly there’s a look at the transgender
scene and at the politics at play behind it.
It’s a very well written book that reads easily for it’s
warmth, humour and most important, honesty. It is hugely apparent that
Helen, like the wives of many crossdressers, loves her husband dearly
and wants to voice her concerns and be understood so that their relationship
can grow and both partners can find all they need for a fulfilling life
with each other. I want to say categorically that I applaud Helen’s
bravery in looking not only at the cute and harmless side, but in investigating
areas such as sexual fantasy that would make many a wife run. Her journalistic
talent is clear, but further the fact that she looks objectively without
preconception helps her paint a more realistic picture that often dispels
many of the myths otherwise associated with certain subjects. For instance,
can a woman be completely fulfilled even though she is the dominant sexual
partner? Does allowing a partner to crossdress open the gateway to him
having a sex change? Do transvestites really understand women? What issues
commonly arrive when a crossdresser is unable to express his feelings
in a safe way within a relationship?
There are certain things in My Husband Betty are US-centric;
for example the listings
of transgender support organisations. Equally
at a more subtle level,
American man and women are typically more extreme as stereotypes than
their European counterparts. By that I mean that a “real man” stereotype
in the US may be some muscle bound, gun toting, beer swilling tyrannosaurus
of a man, which is of course born from the times when America was less
developed than it is now and only the stronger settlers survived and
so people had a genuine need for sons to grow up to be strong men. In
the UK we have the English Gentleman who was always famously feminine
by
comparison.
In
some respects,
culturally,
North
American
cross dressers
are breaking a far bigger standard than their European sisters. And the
language varies too; in the UK “cross dresser” would be the
term tabloid press would use if a politician or celebrity were uncovered
in some type of sex scandal as it has more sordid connotations here than
transvestite which implies more an expressive hobby.
However the book
isn’t about definitions
of transgender terms and these minor variations
won’t
detract from it’s impact at all for European readers. My Husband
Betty is about how cross dressers or transvestites relate to themselves
and their wives and the issues that face them as a couple. In that respect,
My Husband Betty does a fantastic job, as these issues are universal.
Should you allow cross dressing the bedroom? Can you talk openly about
your sexual needs between you as a couple? Can you share your husband’s
passion for fashion and turn it into something that brings you closer
as a couple? What do other women and cross dressers feel about this and
what has worked for them?
If you are the wife, partner or significant other of a cross dresser
I cannot recommend this book to you strongly enough. You’ll feel
so much for Helen’s words as she talks about the things that have
made her smile about her husband and the things that have made her worry
deeply whether being with him was the right choice. There are many other
wives too who contributed, all providing alternative viewpoints right
the way from I can’t bear it at all through to I love it and would
only want to be with a transgendered male.
Likewise if you are a TGirl and you are heterosexual, this book could
just be the set of clues you need to find happiness with the woman you
love. By understanding what it is that will really freak her out to the
bottom of her stomach and what it is that she needs to hear from you,
you’ll be in the greatest possible position to give her what she
wants and find a mutually acceptable way of getting what you need too.
When transgender author Lacey Leigh wrote “My Husband Betty
should be liquified, bagged and plugged in as an IV drip for all self-questioning
crossdressers and those in their lives” it really was only just
touching on how much this book can help you. What more can I say? Read
it!
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